Timothy S. Lord first climbed Mt Everest at 5 years old. During which time he set records in ascent and style. On his way back down he rescued 5 stranded climbers by tying icicles together and fashioning a sled.
At age 8, during summer vacation before attending third grade at Cynwyd Elementary, Tim built his own 1 person rocket. As he turned on the thrusters and aimed towards the stars, he could see it taking him to the moon. Instead it took him 75’ into his neighbors roof. Thus ending his career in aeronautics.
When Tim turned 13, he became the youngest practicing medical doctor... ever. He kept a job with Mass General in New England for 4 years. His time there was chronicled in a television series known as Doogie Howser, M.D. The part of Tim was played by Neil Patrick Harris, or something like that. I think he’s done well, I’m not sure.
At age 18, Tim attempted to sail around the world. 6 Days into his trip he encountered a storm that capsized his vessel and left him stranded on a life raft. He drifted aimlessly for 15 days, fighting off sharks and starvation before happening upon an island inhabited by another cast away and his volleyball. They were both later rescued by a cruise ship as they battled the sea together. Tim stayed on with the ship as their resident lounge singer for the next 7 months.
After graduating Magna Summa Cum Laude (it’s a new achievement invented just for him) from Oxford, Tim set out to conquer the world. He backpacked and hitched through Europe and Asia. During this time he he took many lovers and came to be known in all Spanish speaking countries as “El Gran Amante” or “The Grand Lover.”
He returned home, disease-free and ready to take on the high stakes game of finance. Within 2 years he had amassed a fortune that would have made Scrooge McDuck jealous. In honor of Mr. McDuck, he constructed a vault, equipped with a diving board. He performed a back 2-1/2, with 1-1/2 twists in the pike position, daily…no splash.
Tim won the Nobel Peace Prize at 25 years of age for his contributions to end World Hunger. At 26 they rescinded the prize when they realized he had only noticed it was problem and hadn’t actually done anything about it.
At age 30, while dropping the Dali Lama off at the Baltimore Airport, he noticed a distressed damsel: hair disheveled and obviously lost. He offered her a ride and a place to stay while she got back on her feet. Over the next four years he took her places she only dreamed about back in the Midwest. They fell in love and she tamed the heart of this international playboy.
He will forever love this Katie!
|